My Grieving Process

Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler wrote that there are five stages of grieving:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance

But other resources mentioned there are seven stages:

  • shock and denial
  • pain and guilt
  • anger and bargaining
  • depression, reflection, loneliness
  • the upward turn
  • reconstruction and working through
  • acceptance and hope

However, all those stages are different in each case, some of them follow the above timeline, some not. On my previous post which I wrote in the Indonesian language, I said that I might be entering the depression stage the day I got the bad news. I was in shock, denial, pain, anger at the same time the moment I got the news. I kept telling myself that everything could be fixed, but I felt the most painful feeling I ever got in my entire life. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I felt that kind of painful ache in my heart. I was angry at those people who did that horrible thing to my parents, but I was also blaming myself and playing “what if”. What if my parents didn’t come to Jakarta, that wouldn’t happen. What if I prepare everything and check them often, things would be way much better. Then, I got depressed on the same day. I cried a lot, I cut my hair, I blank then cried then blank again then cried again. I locked myself, I disconnected myself, but it gave me some time to think better, to did some research and discussed with the family, with a clearer mind.

Luckily, the day after I went work, got some distraction and there my reconstruction began. Nobody knows my pain. I act like everything just fine. Fake it till you make it. The moment I fake that everything is okay, it helped me a lot. I kept telling myself that I am strong enough to pass the day, I am a stronger woman and not a single problem in the world can’t be fixed. I started feeling better. Even though sometimes it still hard to accept the reality. I AM FINE, a lie that I keep telling myself. But, I believe I will, someday, because no matter how dark and long the road is, there is always a hope waiting at the end.

 

2 Comment

  1. *hug*

  2. Idha says: Reply

    so that’s why i like you, kak! (:

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