The Untold Story #1

I just uninstall my social media, all of them. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Path, even Tinder (please don’t judge). For how long? My target is a week, but I hope I can make it longer or even forever (maybe not now, but someday). The reason why I did that because I feel so much burden in my heart chest for undefined reasons. I feel irritated easily. When a friend ignored my text, I did over thinking about it. Over the past week, I feel so unstable, emotionally. I can’t concentrate, I am far away behind my to-do list, I (started) feel the mother monster of my anxiety came back again since last week and now it stays there, in my mind and my heart. Therefore, I decided to do detox by uninstalled all my social media. SOCIAL MEDIA IS A VIRTUAL DRUG, and I know I am an addict since years ago, but it’s getting worse by the time being. Not because all the time that I wasted by watching people’s life, but all the time that I used on thinking about how messy my life is, how incompetent I am, and how unfair life can be. I am a total shit, things goes wrong, I can’t figure my life out, and I am tired of being too strong.

I can feel my body is screaming, like I didn’t do much heavy lifting or anything that involved too much energy, except one session in 20fit that almost got me fainted, but I feel so tired, every night. I can feel it that there is something heavy in my heart, but I dunno what.

This is a very bad writing, but I don’t care since this blog is the only platform I can share my stories right now. So, please accept my apologies in advance. This is gonna be a very random writing, but it can be my most honest writing this month.

Few seconds before I decided to write all these words you are reading now, I just burst into tears, for no reason. I tried to keep telling myself to get my shit together, but it didn’t go well. Hence I write.

Okay I’m done, I need to get myself again, I need to sleep and praying that whatever shitty things happened over the past week were just some dreams or some bad days, and things will getting better tomorrow and after.

 

Hi you, yes you!

Life, most of the times, is so unfair.

Cry if you need to. Swearing the F word if you must.

After that, get your shit together because no one will clean it for you but yourself.

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